danielredbeard’s weblog

Tomorrow morning I and my family will get on the road for Illinois to go spend the weekend with my grandparents. We will basically be saying “goodbye” to them. This will be the hardest trip I have ever made. I am an emotional wreck right now. The slightest thought or memory sets me off. I hope I can keep it together while we’re there.

Two weeks ago today I got a call saying that my grandpa had lung cancer – a tumor that hadn’t been there as of January. We then learned cancer was found on his lymph nodes, around his stomach, and yesterday his liver was now looking like it was being taken over. Apparently this is very aggressive. My grandma is barely holding on, stroke after stroke, living full time in a nursing home. She doesn’t know about the cancer in her husband yet. When she does, the consensus is that it will send her into a downward spiral.

I’ve tried to prep myself for this for  years, but how can one prep themselves for death in any real sense? Shame on me if I were to lose the sense of loss, not grieve, or feel the full weight of losing people I love so dearly. In that sense I embrace the fragility of myself and those around me. Death is very, very real.

One afternoon ten years ago I journaled, “Seeing God face to face is as close as clothes are to nakedness, skin is to muscle.” The veil of the afterlife is so close – we sense it.

Anyway, I wanted to jot these things down, thoughts as I journey through this most wrenching season of life.

The one thing I rest in is that both grandparents surrendered their souls to God through Jesus. Despite the pluralists’ utopia of “all roads” leading to God, truth will always be exclusive, and not all religions can claim having the absolute true way to find God and all be right. Jesus drew the line in the sand when he said that he is the way, the truth and the light; that no one can get to God except through him … surrendering one’s life to him. I have no idea what “asking Jesus in your heart” means. I think it’s a remnant of Christian-ese that really has no Biblical backing at all. But I do know what surrender means, and I am so grateful that no matter what stage of life, a person can always seek “the truth” and find him. I don’t mean to sound brash here… just a rant. Please forgive me if I’ve offended.

More later.