danielredbeard’s weblog

PREFACE:  I thought I had posted this the day before Father’s Day – apparently it was sitting my Drafts folder, so in the spirit of ‘better late than never,’ here are some thoughts about fathers I’ve had circling in my head during Father’s Day.

This will be my second Father’s Day as a father. The first one Garrett was 8 months old, and it was enjoyable. He was very much a baby, and so I just liked being his dad. Simple.

This year Garrett is a full-fledged Daddy’s Boy. Sure, he needs mommy when he’s tired, hurt, hungry, or in need of cuddling, but I’ve become a person in his life that I must admit I’ve not seen played out in the family dynamics of friends and family. I wonder if this is how we’re wired as people in terms of having a Dad.

Our nation – the USA – is now a nation ruled by The Woman. You can crack on a white male all day and night long, call him stupid, primitive, sexually-driven, and incapable of doing more than a few things at once. Say the same things about a woman, and you are a sexist. No questions asked, no second chances. In business this is even more apparent. When I am in competition with a business that has an attractive woman as it’s face, or woman-owned, there is zero chance I am getting the work. At least I’ve never seen an attractive woman competitor turned down in the 10 years I’ve been doing this. If you are a woman, this is your world – the pendulum has swung in your corner. You rule.

Even Father’s Day gets shared attention: Dads & Grads. Mother’s Day, on the other hand, is celebrated with such oozing emotion and obligatory mother-worship that it is one of the busiest days for phone calls and delivery services.

My point is that the role of Father is one that I admit I have rarely seen played out to the extent that maybe God intended. My own father did the best job he knew how. He is a solid example of what a father should be. Yet even he had to work to provide for us, and inso doing he was gone like so many traditional US family dynamics. I just don’t think this is what God had in mind, but it’s what so many of us have to deal with.

So in the new role I find myself in I have to look to the father’s I admire most, and extract those things that I think helped mold their children in the right direction.

From my father, I think one of the biggest practical things he showed me (and continues to show me today) is the principle of not giving advice to people unless they ask for it. Unsolicited advice in life sure can seem honorable, but the receiver of the advice rarely sees it as honorable… most of the time it’s actually very annoying. It’s common sense, really:  If I want your opinion, I’ll ask for it. If I don’t, feel free to keep it to yourself… or blog about it  This principle has helped earn me respect from co-workers, friends, employers, and others throughout life – that I don’t offer unsolicited advice. I respect the boundaries of others.

Also from my father is the idea of showing God’s love in very practical ways. When we shoveled snow or mowed lawns we could never just do our yard. We had to do the 2 neighbors that flanked our house, and then the 3 that mirrored us across the street. It was done selflessly, and with no expectation of reimbursement.

From other dads I’ve learned the importance of just showing your kids what is good and what is bad by your behavior. My dad’s father was a man of simple pleasure and common sense – he would use the same plastic silverware several times before discarding it. My mom’s father has shown me the importance of friends – how friends literally sustain one’s life. He always had company at his house, friends and family just stopping by to chew the fat. There is a lot of richness in that!

My father in-law is a man who is constantly reading, and constantly searching for wisdom/information. My pal Tobie’s home reeks of creativity – locally  made art on the walls, furniture that just looks like a home, and zest for life I’m sure his kids will hunger for. My pal Steve is one of the humblest men I know, and has a quiet confidence that I admire – very much an example of humility I’m sure his kids will look to one day to emulate. My brother Darin has a sacrificial love for his daughter that I can’t imagine what is like. He is a frig’n ROCK for her. I think of other friends like Mark, Chris, Paul, Jon, Seth, Josh, and so many others…

I could go on and on. So many good dads in my life. I am blessed man to know so many.

Point is, we may be in an era where our culture is ruled by mother (I say that matter-of-fact, not as a complaint), but there is a lot of greatness among fathers. Ours is a quiet revolution, and I accept my role in it.