Filed under: life
Working from a home office has lots of challenges. Even more so with a 19 month old toddler who is very much a “daddy’s boy” these days. Just the other day I was on the phone with a new client when Garrett decided to come up to my office and play with some of his favorite “office toys” – mostly stuff I keep in a lower drawer.
As I was talking with the client about her web site, Garrett became frustrated and broke out into one of his shrill scream-fests,which brought my phone call to a screeching halt. Fortunate for me, my client laughed, asked about my son, and after I calmed the boy down we went on.
As from working from home, just being a parent has a daily dose of opportunity to throw you hands in the air, drop a few under-your-breath-f-bombs, and think “I could go the rest of my life without hearing that scream/fuss/meltdown!”
But even though I am aware of the opportunity to think those thoughts, they seem distant to me because I literally can’t go one day without thinking of the people I know who have lost children to death.
The first time I encountered it was via a client from a past job. He and I were great conversationalists, and for a few years we talked about a lot of stuff not related to projects. To this day I keep in touch with him even though he doesn’t have need for my services. He’s just a good man. But a few years ago his 22 year old son went in for a physical and learned he had a very aggressive form of cancer. Within 6 months he was dead. The pain I heard in my friend’s voice was like something I’ve never heard before, and the loss obviously changed his life forever.
When we joined up with our church community we heard the account of one family’s very tragic loss of their 18 month old daughter. Details aside, it was sudden and crushing to everyone. Completely changed how everyone viewed their lives and their kids.
Last August we learned that one of our neighbors also lost their daughter to death, she being only 2 or so months older than Garrett. When I designed some memorial cards for the family in honor of their beautiful daughter, Garrett played at my feet, and I had to excuse myself from the computer a few times while I tried to design something that would honor this little would-be friend of my son.
Aside from these experiences with death, I have several others. A co-worker I worked with for 2 summers on a 2-man team died suddenly of a brain injury. The producer and engineer of my old band’s recordings died of the same injury. I’ve lost 2 grandparents. I also worked for 2 different nursing homes in my late teens, and got to know several people who eventually died.
These experiences have given me a very sober look on life. I believe these experiences, and those to come, have gifted me with seeds of optimism. I can’t comprehend having a foul attitude in the face of the inevitable.
So when Garrett is fussing or melting down, I think to myself (almost every time): “The parents I know would give ANYTHING to hear their kid melt down, fuss, cry, etc. one more time.” When I see a mess Garrett made, or when he calls me a “bad dog,” I have similar thoughts.
Of course it has potential to get me in trouble. I do see that this can go too far if I don’t discipline him. I just hope I can be the kind of father that can discipline with perspective of what’s really going on, keeping away from the trivial bullshit of personal preference.
