Filed under: life
It’s been a while, and during the down time I kept this little corner of the interwebz blocked. Ready to open it back up, hoping that I can get back to writing again. That’s the plan, anyway.
A lot has happened in the last month or so since my last post. Had a falling out in my house church that is in repair. In that I have come to realize that in the “fight or flight” discussion, I am very much a “flight” person. I used to think “flight” people were weak, and that might very well be the case – I won’t say it about myself one way or the other. But now I have a better understanding that “flight” isn’t based out of fear. Far from it.
Flight is based on “f**k you” most of the time for me. It’s not being afraid of a person or circumstance, but rather walking away (flight) from a person or circumstance because I don’t think they are worth my reconciliation. I’m sure there is some arrogance in that. Some self-preservation/boundaries in there, too. It’s lasagna.
So in the house church falling out, whereas I would normally go into “f**k you” mode, at the encouragement of some Godlier men than me, I stuck around. Trying to be a man of peace while fist fighting my natural tendencies.
I’d lie if I said that things were cool right now. There is forgiveness and grace, but at the same time real damage was done. That will take trust and time to repair, along with a lot more fist fighting my will and seemingly “good” wants. I think this is part of real community, and I’m trusting some people I really respect in this.
