This week I’ve had time to think more on one of the other “three big things” – or whatever I called them – that I wrote about a month or more ago. I tend not to read back on my blog until at least a year has passed; it’s just more fun that way.
With all the power outages and wind storm damages here in Cincinnati, I witnessed a lot of impromptu community happening in the yards and on the porches of an otherwise very secluded small Cincinnati neighborhood.
It dovetailed nicely into a topic I’d been giving a lot of thought to over the summer, that being the action (and thought behind) pursuit in community. What role does it play in building authentic community? How does one navigate all the tenuous boundaries of today’s very private American culture? Why is “pursuit” on my mind so much?
I started with the last question, and during one of my walks I take every evening I sort of unloaded to God on the topic. I didn’t realize I had so much built up behind such a simple word… pursuit, being pursued, pursuing people for their friendship, and so on. I won’t write what I ranted about. That part is not for a blog. But once I had spent 20 or so minutes ranting, I saw that the questions shooting back in my head were like a small rudder on a ship turning it 180-degrees back toward me.
Introspection followed, as I began examining what the last year had unfolded in opportunities seized for me to pursue a new friend, a new client, an experience, etc. I realized that most of my new friendships and experiences were in fact the result of pursuit: Mostly me pursuing a person or situation.
I then had to ask a tough question: In the areas where I feel the most discomfort or hurt, what actions am I pursuing to help remedy them? That was probably the most interesting, personally.
Relationships that I feel are lacking depth are partially so because I am not doing that which I thought I was doing – I’m not pursuing the people I want to have in my life on a regular basis. Clients for my business are not present in part because I spend over 90% of time available work time doing existing-client work, and the remaining 10% doing upkeep of our business rather than pursuing new opportunities. Experiences that I want to have are not memories because I’ve not pursued them! I’ve lived in Cincinnati for over 5 years, and have yet to go to even ONE of Cincy’s art museums. People that know me would be amazed by that. I have no excuse. I’ve not pursued it. Lastly, my neighbors: The past 6 months have been rich in getting to know them more. As I type my neighbors behind us still don’t have power, and an industrial strength power cord runs from an outlet in our house to their refrigerator. Had I not pursued them and my other neighbors I would not have been in a position to help them now.
All of this paints a pretty strong case for pursuit in building community. After all, community – to me – is built around relationships and experiences. They often work in tandem to build a stronger connection within community.
But it’s not without cost, and that is where I am at now.
The risk and potential cost of pursuit is rejection or – worse – indifference. I’ve found myself with relationships and experiences that hang in the balance of indifference and something deeper. There are mines out there. Everyone is “busy” doing “stuff.” I admit, some “stuff” is legit, but a lot of it is one’s personal preferences on how to communicate and befriend others. Heck, I’m blogging about this topic right now, which says a lot in and of itself.
It’s the x-factor that should be noted, because it’s just a fact of life that with people and experiences, not all are compatible with me/you. Some people are simply not going to like being around me, and some experiences are simply not going to be for me either. I really, really don’t care for the Impressionist art movement. There was a time when I would launch into anyone I could talk art with about how the Impressionists were nothing but lazy dolts with no talent, and to call it “art” was a high insult to what true art is. I’m not quite so passionate about my distaste in Impressionist works, but there’s no way I’m going to a gallery or museum that favors that movement. It’s just not “me.”
The real kicker is when trying to swallow rejection, how to process it. The worst is processing indifference. I have nothing to say to that.
Questions still abound. I think one reason why I’ve been drawn to thinking about pursuit is that it’s so applicable. It is not aloof. Even as I type I’m trying to decide I shall pursue solace tonight or an evening with friends.
Wrapping this up… pursuit matters. I would probably argue for stronger language to support just how much it matters – how important to the fabric of our lives. Pursuit not only enriches the people I’m pursuing because they feel wanted, but it also enriches my life because of the shared relationships and experiences. How one navigates the mines is not something I think I can write about because it’s too relative to any given experience or person. But if there’s one thing I can accept so far in my thinking it’s that pursuit matters and I have much to work on.
