danielredbeard’s weblog

So I’m up working at 12:51am, and I thought I’d go ahead and take advantage of a 15 hour day of creativity and finally create a custom header for this blog. I have to give a nod to The Box for the very cool download of the parts of an old book, which I used after manipulating it in Photoshop. The header above took about 20 minutes, so it might not be totally perfect.

I’m trying to remember the last time I watched TV. I think it was the weekend when I like to stay up and watch Drive Thru History, a surprisingly great program about history. I’m thinking of buying the DVDs for Garrett so he can have a counter-balance to the tainted history he’ll surely receive in public school.

We were really trying to figure out if we were going to go for it, and put our house up for sale until yesterday evening. I was out on a walk and Andrea had Garrett at the park across the street, swinging on a swingset with our HDD video camera. She saw two boys approaching, walking down the middle of the street carrying what appeared to be a gun of some kind – a riffle or something with a clip. She kept swining Garrett, as the boys were more interested in annoying a girl down the street who was part of a small group of kids, all yelling out F-bombs, among other color language. So they were distracted and didn’t see Andrea videoing the two boys with the gun. She got a few minutes of decent footage, though the YouTube version is choppy (…but can’t we now view vids in the high-quality native format? Not sure…).

Anyway, the boys went on to annoy the other girl and her friends. I came around the bend as Andrea was leaving the park. I always let Jake (my dog) off the leash when we get to the park, and he ran up to her. In retrospect I’m glad he did. He’s a panzy-dog most of the time until it comes to defending that which he is loyal to. I once saw him take down a very large Boxer who was trying to be extra friendly with me by putting paws on my chest. I can’t imagine what Jake would do or attempt if he sensed that Garrett was in danger. The boys are lucky.

When we got inside the house Andrea showed me the video. An hour later we were at the police station showing them the footage, and they were very thankful. They said they’d go looking for the boys, and to call them if we saw them again. We did see them again: On our walk home. They were walking down the middle of the street extremely slowly with their friends, all of them talking/yelling out F-bombs and girls calling each other “bitch.” The had no idea who we were, and I doubt any of them can afford a computer, let alone smart enough to find this blog, so again, I’m not concerned.

What we got out of it was a little nudge that this might be a sign to maybe pursue the move to Anderson.

“I didn’t want to say anything.”

I’ve had these six words on my mind for a few days. I keep asking myself, “This might be one of the worst statements said.” It indicates that someone sees something wrong in a situation, and doesn’t say anything until it’s resolved for better or worse.

Instead of saying something, doing something, idleness ensues, and the “whatever” rally cry keeps us isolated in our joy and suffering.

I’ve had this phrase told to me after a few big seasons of life, and when I heard the words I felt sad that my friend(s) hadn’t spoken up, hadn’t expressed their concern for my wellbeing. The most memoriable was around 1999-2000 when I grew from a lean 180 lbs. to a 300+ lb. wad of cookie dough. At the time, food was my way of coping with a lot of internal struggles, but no one said anything until I had lost the weight a few years later. Then, and only then, did I hear multiple concerns, only they were worthless by the time I heard them. What’s the point of expressing conern after the fact?

I can’t figure out why this line of thought has been on my mind recently. I’m sure there’s some kind of deeply seeded issue I’m not realizing just yet. These things work that way, and this blog has more than once served as the ground from which to extract some of the hidden stuff.

Moving on…

I’d love to hear a collaboration between Aimee Mann and Brandi Carlile. Then again, if their powerful words and melodies, combined with their unique beauty, were to be unleashed by way of music, I doubt that even Dragonforce or The Showdown could claim any ground on their musical power.

My boy is growing like a weed. He took his first aided steps Saturday. He’s pulling himself up, and is a non-stop fountain of gibberish, trying to form words. The funny thing is that he thinks he should talk when I talk, so a phone conversation is near-impossible if he’s around because I’m laughing too much.

Last night I chose to have him on the floor next to my while I attempted to work. But soon he was drawn to the light of my MacBook Pro, and began crawling up from the floor. That’s one thing I like about his personality so far – he is one very determined guy. And he’s not pissy about getting what he wants. It’s just sheer stubborn, first-born determinination. Fascinating to wach come alive. Anyway, he finally got on my lap so we I turned on PhotoBooth, and showed him the various effects, of which he seemed to enjoy.

Finally, another lesson learned: Having a well-constructed, objective/goal-driven, mutually agreed-upon contract is an essential piece of any project for the self-employed.

This week I was given a great story to tell for future speaking gigs about business (of which one is coming up in Sept.). I have a shared client that had me design a logo for a new service. We set up clear goals/objectives, and I met all of them. I have a few emails from when the logo was finally completed. They loved it. Gave me praise, and I finalized the logo, even supplying a version specifically for embroidery. We moved on to the web site, of which my partner was working on.

Then last week we get an email with the following:

• Their main investor had seen the logo for the first time the previous day, and didn’t like it…
• They wanted a new logo icon developed…
• For no additional charges
• Within 1 week…
• If we didn’t agree to do this, the work would be taken to another design firm.

After blood had simmered from a boil to slow steam, I initiated a phone call where I negotiated a solution that everyone was happy with. I was then given objectives to meet for this new logo icon creation. That night I did exactly what was asked, and sent 3 new concepts out for review and approval.

Next morning I awake to an email saying that I was “close,” but now they wanted the logo developed even further, beyond the negotiated scope from the previous day!

After a weekend of tossing the idea around, talking with friends and my partner, and a few other things, I emailed the owner of the company with a matter-of-fact assessment of where we had been (an approved, finalized logo!) and we are now (a moving target, asking for free work).

His response: He sees my position, but is taking the work elsewhere.

Somewhere out there is another design firm about to be screwed. I hope they do their homework and get a contract up front. I’m sure glad we did.

I cannot get the tune “Laid to Rest” out of my mind. The band is The Showdown, and once again I’m addicted to their first project. The second one, not so much. But I just read they are about to release a new project, so maybe they’ve returned to form. Hope so.

It’s fitting, though: I am as ready to lay this week to rest as any week I’ve lived to-date.

So my douchebag blurb of a blog was just a summary of a flurry of douchebag activity. I realized that it was a full moon that day, so at least I closed the day with an explanation.

A theme of “unfair” emerged throughout the week. I know I’ll re-read this some day and think, “Man-up little girl! Don’t be such a cry baby… life’s not fair.” But “unfair” has been the theme of the week nonetheless.

It began by a heaviness that I sensed for a handful of guys I know whom seem weighed down by life right now. In each case these guys are plodding through their lives, unsatisfied, towing the line, dreaming of and talking about something else, all while putting themselves second in terms of plans. It’s both admirable and depressing.

Speaking of depressing, what got me thinking of these guys was that I’ve been trying to connect with 3 of them for the last 2 weeks, and in each case my expectations have been lowered. It’s gone from “let’s hang out” to “call me” via voice mail. I confess that it caused me to be kind of pissed that so many of the people I really value are tied up in “stuff” that we can’t even have a conversation. After I got past my selfish agenda, the burden was born, and still today I’m praying for these guys’ journey, having come through my own recently – onto something quite different.

Self-employment is probably the toughest work I’ve done to-date. Prior to this it was my summer working for a concrete construction crew. That was back-breaking labor. This, however, is “work” in the sense of it being a tax in just about every conceivable area.When a prospect declines a proposal or if a client doesn’t take my advice, it stings more than working for the man. Not having an office outside the home takes a special kind of person, too, but I am not complaining. At all.

That I get to be at home working with my wife and 8.5 month old son is something that humbles me daily. I just changed a diaper, and while I was doing it Garrett peed on me. Bulls-eye between my legs so it looked like I was the one whom had just peed himself. After cleaning it up I took note of the smell of a fresh diaper on the cleaned-up boy. I thought to myself: This is not to be taken for granted. Even the smells of a baby should be appreciated and soaked up for every ounce of goodness they represent. Yes, even those smells.

I heard a radio duo talking about The Wiggles last week so I googled them, and watched a few vids with Garrett on my lap. I now can’t get “Hot Potato, Hot Potato” (or whatever it’s called) out of my head. Those guys had better be out of style by the time Garrett can have an interest. Or I could just do what a few of my friends have decided to do: That their kids will not listen or watch the made-for-kids stuff on TV/internet like The Wiggles, BluesClues, etc. Instead, they’ll just absorb life like humans have done for a few thousand years prior to television and the Interwebs.

I want to see Bret Favre as a Chicago Bear.

Finally, it’s been almost a full year since I saw a movie in a theater. Last one was Transformers. But The Dark Knight sure does look tempting, and most of the reviews I trust are going ape-shit over it. Looking forward to that going to DVD very sooon – perhaps Christmas?

A scattered mind is one reason blogs are great. A few Friday rumblings from my head…

• I heard a radio show mention Digital Angel, the company that makes implantable RFID chips for humans. I looked into it a bit more, and found that the FDA had cleared them for human use way back in 2004. Guess I was too consumed with getting married at the time to notice. RFID is the roller-coaster buzz in consumer packaged goods, and it hits me somewhat in that I design the graphics for consumer packaging. But I hadn’t put RFID on the radar for human use. Makes sense, what with identity theft, illegal immigration, obesity, and a plethora of other issues, a chip atop ones hand or – say – one’s forehead might be the perfect solution to a lot of problems.
• Been thinking about the small city of which I live: Wyoming, Ohio. We’re the first municipality north of the Cincinnati city limits. We are to Cincy what Park Ridge is to Chicago…sort of. Reason I’ve been thinking about Wyoming is that we want to move away from it. We want to move to Anderson Twp., which is sort of a suburb of Cincy, though it’s not what I think of when I think “suburb” of a city.

  Anyway, in Cincy there is a strong Eastside / Westside rivalry thing. I mentioned Westsiders a few posts ago, and how I just can’t “get” them. I do “get” Eastsiders, and Anderson is an Eastside area. Aside from these 2 sides of this area, there are 3 other areas: Northern Burbs, Northern Kentucky, and the SE Indiana.

  Wyoming, as I have come to determine, sits in no-man’s-land. Over the last 2 years I’ve realized that the Westsiders don’t consider Wyoming to be one of theirs. And Eastsiders certainly won’t claim anything west of I-75. The northern region doesn’t really start until Springdale, which is north of Wyoming. So here we sit, unclaimed. Alone. Curled up in the fetal position of Cincinnati-area living, an island unto ourselves.

  Not sure why this has occupied more than 10 seconds of my thought life, but it has and that’s kinda sad.

• This political gem caught my eye, even though I’m not quite as aware of what’s going on these days. I noticed the other day tha Drudge had posted a story about Congress’ approval rating being in the single-digits. The story linked above is a good reason why. Nothing like impeaching a lame-duck President… that shows real courage! Good thing our next president will be of the same ilk as this side of the Empire.
• Serious thoughts: Sometimes, at random, I’ll think to myself, “My country attacked another country, and now occupies it militarily. Iraq posed no threat at all.” I have a deep sense of sadness for this era of American history. I don’t think I will be able to talk favorably to my children about this season of our country’s history as they get older. If asked, I will reluctantly tell of how I supported going to war with Iraq, and how intoxicated I was on Empire Patriotism, finding identity in a flag over a cross (it can’t be both). I’ll have to explain how it was that I could be inconsistent with regard to viewing the sacredness of life, how one cannot be both for and against killing – being against abortion, but for war is intellectually dishonest. There is so much wrapped up in this season of American history, or World history, for that matter!
• Ok, lighter stuff:  I am really digging Firefox 3. The GUI is fantastic, it feels Mac OS native, and I really enjoy the new features.
• My bad snack craving is currently: Reese’s Whoppers. Oh man…
• My other (business) blog tells of how earlier this week I had a great time talking about design to a group of Wyoming youth.
• Finally, Garrett has really grown up over the past few weeks. It’s amazing how I can sense when his brain has developed a new level of perception. One day he’ll just “get” something new, and it’s super cool. Also, I’ve taught him to stand up using my hands! I try not to help him, but let his little legs get stronger from the quasi-squats. Also, we’ve been adding videos to our mostly-Garrett youtube channel.

In my opinion, it is becoming increasingly difficult to come across a person who will keep their word in the details of life. Not too difficult finding someone who will come through on big commitments. For whatever reason, though, it’s the details where keeping one’s word is hard to come by.

For me this lack of integrity comes in very small doses. “I’ll call you later today.” “Tomorrow I will do _____________.”  “I will call you soon so we can have lunch!” “Let’s hang out soon! I’ll call you to set it up!”

It is a mountain of poo.

I am sure – positive – I do many things that irritate those whom interface with me on a daily basis. But the one thing I am constantly intentional about is keeping my word to the best of my ability – so long as it’s even mildly in my control. When I don’t keep my word I am deeply disturbed, even in small matters, so I suppose it’s natural that I would be disturbed when someone doesn’t keep their word with me.

</rant>

Moving on…

I was recently forwarded a link to LifeChurch.tv from an extended family member, and then the Church Relevance blog ran a post on it yesterday (see my links page for a link to CR – great blog). The tag line for LifeChurch.tv is something like “a church experience on the internet” – I’m paraphrasing.

Today I commented on the CR blog when video was posted from the latest LifeChurch.tv event:

From where I sit, the “big” ministries are continually upping the bar of how the “Come To Us” theology is played out. As a former big-ministry guy, I know what goes into programming, set design, production in music/design/video, etc. – it is extremely time-consuming to think up the next big idea that will draw people to the building.

And there in lies the point of my concern: In an age of so-called new thinking about ministry, why does the Church think that shuffling the chairs in this Come To Us arena is new or different or even constructive?

I guess I’m disappointed more than anything. Disappointed that this is “it.” More of the same, Come To Us theology where the Church stays huddled between 4 walls, listening to a speech and a singalong. God will not be mocked, so I am not about to suggest shutting the whole thing down. But I would like to suggest that big production not be given the kind of light it currently is given. There is real, tangible “Go To Them” CHURCH happening on street blocks, at bars, in coffee shops, at parks, and in all kinds of places where a movie set won’t fit.

POSTSCRIPT: Please note I am not calling for division, or slandering LifeChurch.tv. I am simply speaking criticism where it often is not spoken. The Church of American is filled with Yes Men/Women whom offer no constructive (note: not destructive) criticism. I’m with the Body of Christ, a follower of The Way. Glory to God!

This is where I’m at with big ministry. It’s not that I’m against it in terms of there being an outlet for those kinds of gifts and preferences. My issue is how so many segments of The Church are migrating, or doing their best to be “big.”

The problem is that “big” is never “big” enough! When I see the stills and video from the LifeChurch event I get this sense that even this will not be big enough.

Anyway… I know I am prone to biting sarcasm and destructive comments when it comes to this topic. I have written and erased much of this blog post 3 times because after re-reading it I knew that it was not constructive. Not sure what my hope is for “big” ministry.

I think this may be the first Independence Day where I know I am truly free.

But I am not independent. Actually, I’m more dependent on God right now in my life than ever before… thankfully. And this, in a way that only makes sense in His Kingdom, is freedom.

This Independence Day I challenge the Followers of The Way in America to ponder deeply as to where they find their identity. I’ve been on this journey for the last year or so, and it’s caused me to reluctantly and humbly shed some identities that were tailor-made, fitted perfectly for ideologies that I didn’t just consume, but reproduced.

Identities like Conservative or Liberal, Progressive or Traditionalist, Left or Right, Democrat or Republican, Denomination or Non-Denomination, and so on. I used to be really – REALLY – dependent on the ideologies that shaped my opinions: I am an American. I am a Conservative Libertarian. I am a “ditto head.” I am a creative.  Etc.

The more I see life in a Kingdom or Empire frame, though, the clearer it becomes to me that these identities are worthless. It’s strange. Really strange. I listen to pundits, newscasts, and politicians, etc. these days and the stuff that just a year ago would have stirred me into a few hours of ideological ranting and well-framed argument points now just seem… I can’t believe I’m saying this… silly.

It’s even more underscored by this being an election season! We have a blatant Neo Socialist running against a 1960s Democrat, and it stirs only small ripples of ideological thought – not massive waves – in me.

I’m not a well-put together man. I don’t have “it” figured out a great deal. I sense that I’ve happened upon – or was led to – some kind of deeper truth, but applying it is as much a trial-and-error practice as anything else.

I just thought that with tomorrow being a day where independence and Americanism are celebrated, it would be of future use to jot down where I’m at in the process of shedding identities that don’t mean anything. There is a lot more I have and want to say on this topic, but it’s still too soft to get out in the open. Those thoughts need to be a bit more defined and practiced before writing about it.

This time next year I hope to celebrate this day having figured more of this journey out. The Empire will have a new king, and the Empire may have changed for better or worse. But God will have not changed. Truth will still be truth.

It didn’t hit me until this morning in the shower, but this past Saturday ( June 28 ) marked 5 years of living in Cincinnati. Five years…

I moved here from Ottawa, Illinois where I worked for a great design firm, called Tandem Design, but my wife-to-be had tried on two occasions to live in the Land of Lincoln, finding it not to her liking each time. At least she tried, and I didn’t mind leaving. The day I packed the moving truck, some guys from my church helped load up. My apartment backed up to the parking lot of the church where I helped with music, and even the pastor showed up to help load the truck. Once loaded, I fell asleep at around 3pm listening to the sweet call of a Cubs game on WGN after taking some Tylenol PM.

Woke up around 8pm, made sure everything was out of the apartment, said goodbye to my kick-ass apartment, walked down to the truck which had my car tied to a trailer behind it, and fired up the engine. I drove through the night, and it was interesting. When you’re driving something that long, for that long a distance, it is a different kind of driving, but enjoyable nonetheless.

I arrived at Andrea’s parents house in Batavia, Ohio – where she lived at the time – at around 6 or 7am. Immediately went to sleep for several hours, woke up, and then drove to Mt. Lookout where my new digs awaited.

At first it was just me and Andrea unloading. Then her parents showed up to help, and it went a little faster.

A week later, after getting settled in, I started work at the one job I can truly say I hated almost every minute of. I had been hired on as an Art Director at an ad agency, but apparently AD’s in Cincy are basically lowest-tier designers. It took me a few days to figure out that I was not a notch higher in my career, instead several notches lower. How that massive confusion happened is another story altogether. I worked at that advertising agency for 11 months, and when I was laid off after two of their prime accounts went elsewhere, I felt mostly relief.

So anyway, here I am 5 years later living in this city that I have very mixed feelings about. One one hand this city has been good to me. The pace of life, cost of living, and accessibility to pro sports, arts, events, etc. is exceptional. Cincy isn’t known for it, but this place is also a foodie’s paradise. There are a TON of different kinds of places to eat, on top of local franchised eats. The Reds are an NL Central team, so I get to go to 3 Cubs games per season at about 1/10th the cost of going to Wrigley. And this is where we bought our first house, set up business, had our first kid, etc. Life is very good.

My only complaint, really, are the locals, mostly west-siders. I can’t put my finger on what it is that rubs me the wrong way, but I’ve just found that I tend to not be friendly with lifelong westsiders. It’s not that I don’t like westsiders, it’s that I don’t get them, or at least those I’ve met so far. I have hope that I’ll be at peace with my westside neighbors. After all, I live in Wyoming, which is the first city west of I-75…technically I’m a westsider, though most Wyomingese would say that we’re northern Cincy folk. Who really cares, though?

Finally, though, I am starting to see that this might very well be a place that I can grow to love. Five years into it, and I honestly still feel like I’m visiting. It’s only on my visiting trips to Illinois that I truly feel like I’m somewhat “home.” And it bothers me a little that Garrett will grow up in Ohio/Cincy, not Somewhere/Illinois. Guess all I can do is pray for an Illinois wife for him.