danielredbeard’s weblog

How did we get to Memorial Day so fast?! Seems two weeks ago we had our “blizzard.” Speaking of blizzard…I want ice cream.

Days like today, coupled with weekends like this one, are great for stepping out of routine, letting myself relax, taking a breath, and inhale all the good stuff going on around. Not just in my life, but in the lives of people I know and love. Even with so much layered uncertainty I can say that at my core I see life as good. Very good.

So is fire. My fire pit served as the conduit to get to know the guy who lives behind us a couple of nights ago. I had a nice little fire going, and he hopped the fence to sit down and talk. Must have been out there for two hours talking. Turns out he’s in law school, and his wife is studying to be a rabbi. My neighbor next door is studying to be a chaplin. A few blocks away resides a woman to is a pastor of a church, and a few doors down is a guy who – I think – writes about philosophy. We have quite a neighborhood.

My latest candy addiction are Warheads QBZ. They’re shaped like little cubes, a la sugar cubes, but worse: They’re as processed as can be, and laden with who-knows-how-many food colorings and dyes. But, damn, are they good! Can’t have too many of them, though. I’ve worked my ass – literally – down to a 34″ waist and will not simply give it away to a bag of candy (or many of them).

Yesterday I finished reading “Seize The Night” by Dean Koontz. As I wrote before this was a sequel, but he wrote it so you didn’t need to read the first book. I found the whole story to be fascinating. He covered a lot of ground in a very short space. The ending brought closure to one story arc, but I think the biggest surprise at the end was that Koontz is writing a much bigger story – or at least that’s how read it. I could see 1-3 more books with these characters. My totally unsolicited advice to Mr. Koontz is to tone down the verbose diatribes that Chris Snow delivers. Especially those toward the beginning of this book. They don’t add depth the his character, and add nothing to the story. I noticed that toward the end of the story Snow delivered shorter and fewer of these rambling rants, and that’s a direction that this series would benefit greatly from. I think that it’s also appropriate for the maturation of the Snow character for him to tone it down. Anyway, overall I would suggest reading it if you like thrillers with a military/sci-fi twist/Art Bell-esque twist.

Provision. Every night at 10pm Garrett begins to cry “Neeee!!!,” and “Nee” is his word for “I’m hungry!” You could set a clock by this routine. 10pm rolls around, he starts crying for his Nee, and staring at Andrea’s chest. Usually I am holding him when this happens, as Andrea wraps up preparing for sleep. As I held him last night during his nightly plea for Nee, something suddenly hit me hard. Really hard. It was this: At that very moment there were mothers and fathers whose six-month-olds were crying for food in places like Darfur and China and Burma where Nee couldn’t be provided due to starvation or some other circumstance. I admit, I feel somewhat helpless when Garrett cries for Nee because no matter what I do, as long as he can see Andrea and feel his tummy gargle, he lets me know he needs his Nee. When this hit me, that at the very moment tragedy was happening at the same time, I can’t put to words my emotions. Suffice to say, I am humbled this morning by what we have. What I have. What I have been given on so many different levels.

Projects. Drove to Chillicothe yesterday to work on yet another project with my pal Steve. I could easily put this in the category above because Steve and Melissa have helped me and D&A Design so much by partnering with us on projects that have a branding/print component. My theory remains that by weathering the first year of business in an uncertain economy, D&A Design will thrive in the long term, and I’m looking forward to it.

Freedom. Yesterday a Texas court threw out the seizure of the polygamists’ children citing what every freedom-loving American knew from the start of this: That this was a blatant over-reaching of Big Brother into the lives of families they had no business messing with. I literally let out a shout of joy when I heard this on the radio: Freedom won a battle. Now the kids just need to be returned, and let the lawsuits fly. I really hope the polygamists get to sue the pants of of every agency, and their employees. They probably won’t, but I can dream. What’s more: This decision came on the heels of Memorial Day, where we recognize the people who fought and died to preserve the freedom that the polygamists have right to – no matter how awkward, backward, or uncomfortable it is with us. The most that should have happened in that situation was the interviewing of the girl whom apparently called authorities. But so far, that girl doesn’t exist, which only underscores how anti-American the Texas authorities behaved.

Fire. This weekend we’ll be using a pile-o-wood we picked up from my in-laws for our fire pit! Nothing like a good fire on a cool night.

Baseball. Is there a better sport? I like football and all, but it doesn’t have the depth, the organic-ness of baseball.

Melody. On my drive yesterday to Chillicothe, I had my iPod pumping out some great melodious music. I’ll listen to just about any genre if it uses melody and harmony. Give me a song I can sing along with, and take the second or third harmony on, and I’m happy. Yesterday consisted of some Brandi Carlile, Sarah McLachlan, The Exit, Dragonforce, Coldplay, Mountain Heart, Fiona Apple, and my Bluegrass mix of artists too numerous to name

Being. When Fiona’s “Extraordinary Machine” was playing, I once again had a moment of awe for humanity. I looked at all the cars and trucks around me, the roadway, the power polls, etc., and again realized that all of this stuff had to be created from natural resources. With all this talk of man-made global warming *coughmythcough* I find it satisfying to realize that the very computer I’m typing on now was created at it’s most basic level from natural materials. At some point in the very beginnings of the materials used, it was from the earth. I think that speaks to how complex and vast and great human beings are capable of becoming. We truly are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Whew…what a trip. Left Tuesday morning for Illinois, arrived mid-afternoon. Freshened up and headed straight for the nursing home to see my grandmother.

It had been nearly a year since I had seen her. Last time was at a big family get together last June, and she was in high spirits, just normal grandma. In the last year big things had happened, for her and for me. It didn’t quite hit me until I saw her that this span of time since our last in-person visit had covered so much change.

For me, obviously, it was Andrea’s pregnancy and the birth of Garrett. Then these early months of his life, coupled with a major career shift into self-employment, and a few other smallish-big things. For her, it was a few sicknesses, and at least one stroke.

In my head I knew all that had happened, that my mom had stayed with her and my grandpa for many weeks to care for them, but it was a story told via infrequent phone calls and emails. Not to mention, on the edges of my very changing life. I had this knowledge, and prepared myself accordingly before heading up to see her and other family, to introduce her great-grandson to her for the first time.

Yet knowledge can take a person so far – never to the end of what something really means. When we entered her room I was taken aback by how much she had aged in these seemingly short 11 months. Her body was swollen with “fluid” (whatever that means) from congestive heart issues, and the stroke seems to have caused her to slur her speech a bit. But she also seemed heavily medicated. She is in this home to recoup from a fall where she broke an ankle. The intention is not “forever,” as I understand it.

After the physical, I then was able to take in conversation with her, and was again taken aback. Only this time it wasn’t by how much decline had happened. Just the opposite. I think my grandma understood more of a conversation than I can remember in recent years. She had a very present look in her eyes – a fire, almost. I left that day with the word “dignity” on my mind, as that is how I felt she had aged: With dignity.

As a teen I worked in two different nursing homes, and got to know many of the residents. It was life-enriching, but it also was sometimes depressing to watch people give up on life. I was encouraged to see in my grandma that she had not given up. What’s more, seeing Garrett seemed to fuel the life I already saw in her. I felt this was so to such a degree that I had us go back the following morning to surprise her, where it could be just her and my little family. Again I saw dignity and a zest for life, even it was taxed by an ailing body.

Sure, it was a lot to take in. I broke down when I had a chance to do so. It’s a lot to take in, to realize. But I will not slumber off into a hole, depressed and sad because the inevitable is taking place. I will not fill my mind with things that are not in Scripture, either. There’s a lot about death that the Bible doesn’t say. For instance, some people say things like, “______ is looking down from Heaven on us.” I find that depressing. If Heaven is where God dwells, and loved ones are with Him, I sorta doubt we are competing for attention. Plus there’s the issue of what actually happens after death – I don’t know.

But that’s a whole case of worms to unpack later.

The trip also allowed Garrett and his cousin to meet for the first time. For a first-time meeting, I think it was great. His cousin really warmed up to him toward the end. Later in the trip we got to go to DeKalb and see my pal Tobie and his wife/kids. We spent a great evening eating, and hanging out on their porch. We then drove back today, about an 8 hour drive that normally takes 5. Garrett was not the cause – fucking Chicago traffic was! I like visiting there, but living in/around the Chicagoland area is a season of my life that is long-gone. I’ll take the easy pace of Cincinnati, with all it’s issues.

Anyway, the trip was heavy. I’m still downloading everything, and needed to make the first deposit into this thing. See what else comes up in the coming days.

This time tomorrow we should be 3hrs/22min into our first long-distance trip with Garrett, as we head to Illinois for a quick visit with family and a few friends. I think we’ve spent only a few hours in the car with Garrett at any one time, and now that he’s 6 months old we feel like he’s a bit more durable for a longer trip. Without a kid it is a 5-5.5 hour trip. We’ll see how this goes…

Traveling with someone always wracks me with anxiety. When I travel alone, I’m fine because I can be as efficient as possible. But throw in someone as close to me as my wife, and it’s another story altogether. Add in the factor that we’re in a bit of a marital funk, and this is shaping up to be an interesting trip indeed.

The main objective of the trip is to introduce Garrett to several people. This will be the first time my grandparents meet him, and with my grandma in a nursing home, it’s not going to be the scenario I had envisioned where he meets them and hangs out at their house. I’m blessed to have grandparents whom are still alive, and more so that I knew both sets of my grandparents quite well growing up. Aging is a bitch, though, and it’s catching up to my grandma.

Garrett will also meet his cousin for the first time. She is a couple of years older than he, and I think it’s going to be interesting to have both grandkids at my parents house together at the same time. Then Garrett travels further north to meet a boy born about 1 month after him, the son of my brotha Tobie. We head back to Cincy on Thursday.

In other news…

Business is in a bit of a lull for a moment. Had two projects put on hold last week, which sorta messed up some planning. That’s the stinger about being a self-financed small business: Cashflow rules the day. Without operating capital to run on when things are in between, it’s an interesting ride. But we’re measuring out success – for the time being – by the fact that we are not financed by a bank or investor. We’ll probably need to align ourselves with such services eventually for growth – buying office space, etc., but at this leg it’s nice to not have a bank as a boss.

My father in-law brought up a good point to my wife as we talked about us possibly selling our house to take advantage of this very good buyers market. He said that if one of the Dems win the White House, capital gains taxes will increase. So under an Obama/Clinton administration, when you sell your home and make a profit from the sale, they want more of your money. Simple as that.

Finally got the fire pit out and flaming Saturday evening. For now we’re burning the remnants of what the drought of last summer gave us on our trees. Since we have around 21 smallish landscaping trees, it’s a lot of brush, quick-burn stuff. But fire is fire, and there’s something fantastic about it.

The rainy days of last week meant that in the evenings we spent a lot of time at Hulu.com watching Arrested Development. I’ll admit – it’s more “my show” than my wife’s. I just love absurd, dry, over-the-top, deadpan humor. Will Arnet – aka GOB – is my favorite. I love that he’s on 30 Rock now, too – he’s perfect for Baldwin’s character. My favorite Arrested Development scene is GOB’s sexual harassment speech to the Bluth employees. There’s just something about beeping out words that makes me laugh hysterically.

Now I’m off to God’s country…